Parental Autonomy: Village, Step Aside… Respect Boundaries and Allow Parents to Parent!

We all know the old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." It's a phrase that has been passed down through generations, emphasizing the importance of community support in child-rearing. But as society evolves, the role of the village in parenting has become a subject of debate. What exactly does it mean to involve the village? And to what extent should the village have a say in raising our children? Let’s get into it.

Who’s in the Village?

Traditionally, the village represented the extended family, friends, neighbors, and community members who played an active role in shaping a child's upbringing. It was a collective effort, with everyone offering guidance, support, and wisdom. From teaching valuable life skills to imparting cultural traditions, the village was seen as an invaluable resource. Nowadays, things aren't as simple as they used to be. Our world has become a crazy mix of diversity, technology, and changing norms. As a result, the village's role in parenting has become a hot topic for debate.

What Should the Village Do?

What responsibilities do we actually hand over to our village these days? Well, that's a tricky question. It varies from family to family. Some might lean on their village for practical help, like taking care of the little kiddos for date night or giving them a lift in the school carpool. Others might rely on their village for emotional support during tough times. The village becomes a place where parents can find a sense of community, comfort, and someone to vent to about the rollercoaster of parenting. However, it is very important to establish clear boundaries when it comes to the village's involvement in raising our children.

What Do Boundaries Look Like?

Parents must determine the extent to which they are comfortable receiving advice or input from others. It's important to establish boundaries so people know when to give advice and when to zip it. Because, let's face it, unsolicited advice can mess with our heads and make us question every parenting move we make. Picture this: you're a new parent, beaming with joy and anticipation, ready to take on the world with your bundle of joy. But wait, there's the village—the well-meaning parents, aunts, friends, and even the occasional stranger in the grocery store—all ready to offer unsolicited advice on how you should raise your child. Sure, their intentions may be good, but here's the truth: parents deserve the right to make their own choices. Respecting boundaries doesn't mean isolating parents or denying them help when they genuinely need it. It means recognizing that they are the ultimate authority when it comes to raising & disciplining their children. Each family is unique, with its own set of values, beliefs, and circumstances. What works for one may not work for another, and that's okay!

Let Parents Parent

Let's clarify something. I’m not saying that support and guidance aren't valuable or important. In fact, having a network of people who genuinely care about your child's well-being can be a lifesaver. However, there's a fine line between helpful input and outright interference. Parents are often bombarded with conflicting information from all sides. Whether it's Grandma insisting on traditional practices or that well-meaning friend who read a couple of blog posts and now thinks they're an expert, the pressure can be overwhelming. Sometimes you may have to remind them to take a step back and enjoy their role as grandmother, aunty, or friend of the family and allow the parents to raise and discipline their child in their own way. Even if they think it is the “wrong” way. This applies even to our own parents, who should have confidence in knowing they raised us well, and we will do the same for our children.

Let’s Sum it Up!

As parents, we need to speak up and let our village know what we expect from them. Open and honest communication is key to setting boundaries and ensuring that they respect our decisions. By expressing our needs, we can create a supportive network that aligns with our values and helps us raise our kiddos the way we want to. So, in a nutshell, that old saying still holds some truth, but we need to give it a modern twist. It does take a village to raise a child, but it's up to us to decide how involved that village should be. Just as no two children are the same, no two parents are either. Let's find that balance where we embrace the support and love of our community while keeping our autonomy as parents intact. We can learn from each other and expand our horizons rather than expecting everyone to conform to a single way of doing things. It's time to move away from the notion of the village dictating how parents should raise their kids and embrace a more inclusive and supportive approach. Together, we can navigate this crazy parenting journey and raise some pretty awesome humans.

Let’s Chat About It…

What does your village look like? Who’s included in your village? What kind of power do you allow them to have? Please comment below.

~Sincerely Supermom

“Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring because I don’t do things your way. I care about me too.”

— Christine Morgan